On Cloud 9

Can’t recall was he last time I felt this cheerful and happy for no particular reason. [:)] (just read my last post so thought of giving the same start..hehee). First things first-I might sound too girly in this one (with all the “hehee”s and “lol”s). Please ignore. Secondly, I have no plans to “edit” or “fine-tune” it because that way, I’ll get into that messy business of trying to drive sense into all that I have written (and I hate doing that). Let me just pour my heart out like I did in the last post, and leave it at that.

Lets see, what can be the possible reasons for my happiness? I haven’t exactly been doing “brilliantly” in my tests but yeah things are looking up. I’ll do better if I start studying and not depend solely on my previous knowledge of the topic. (Which is nil when it comes to physics, so that explains my dismal performance. [:(] )

May be it is that I have learned to control my temper!!!! Yes. And it’s all the more good because I always thought myself incapable of it. Now, I have found better ways to give vent to my pent-up feelings, rather than losing it on others. Ways like, playing basketball on the terrace or drink some cold coffee and sleep! And the best one is to try and solve physics problems. Last one is either equivalent to banging one’s head against the wall (when you can’t do a thing properly) or gives me a high. (When things are okay) (I have never been “tunn” so don’t know what exactly one feels when they are “there” but people get a high after a heady drink I guess it is something like what I feel when I solve 10 numericals in a row [:p]and that happens quite frequently now-the only side-effects in my case, being “a feeling of satisfaction” and “happier parents”)

May be it is because I have re-realised that it’s ME who will decide who all I want in my life. I choose my friends. I decide who all I want to talk to, and in what way. It’s my prerogative to determine how close or far I wish to be to my masi-mausaji or my first cousins, and that mum-dad have absolutely no problems with my decision of maintaining distance for the simple reason that I dislike them. (One should keep it simple- like/dislike/I-give-a-damn) All this sounds so obvious but then this whole funda registered completely only sometime back when mum told me that I am, after all a child/kid. I don’t have to be sweet and nice to everyone even if I hate them like hell but that does not mean I have to be rude to them. She just meant “Cut off when it starts getting on your nerves”. Differentiate between best friends, good friends and well, just friends. You can’t be an open book for everyone to read. Learn to let go of people when its time and know when the time comes. I loved it. I don’t know but it makes you feel better (confident and sure of yourself??) to know for a fact that YOU are the one who’s completely in control of your life and that nobody can ever take that away from you. This, isn’t exactly the kind of advice mum usually gives me. She’s more like “step into the other person’s shoes”, “you disagreeing to a thing does not make it any less true” but then I guess she knew what I wanted from her at that point in time. She gave me just that. MOTHERS, they ALWAYS know what is good for you. (Even when they don’t get you a cell-phone or teach you how to drive a 4-wheeler while your 13 year old first cousin is doing a Schumi and practically everyone in the khandaan knows how to drive a car, leaving out you and your younger brother, hmphhhh. Thankfully I have my bro’s company.Relief! hehee)

All this is more than enough for me to be happy-happy. Yeah, this abstract and dumb sounding stuff makes me secure and glad. Lol. To count the normal stuff…ummmm…one can be that mum-dad bought me two new capries and two tops in last one week!!! Other can be that "InSoMnIaC" is gonna be out soon-for those who dont know it yet, that's the name of Enrique's much awaited album. He kept us waiting for 1155 days!!! lol. And it can also be that I have struck a balance between friends and family. I don’t talk over the phone to my friends much now and don’t even message much (Don’t message because I CANT message anymore, lets not discuss this and keep the tragedies aside for now) Now everyone’s getting used to the idea of me being a night bird ("yullupana" rubbing off [;)]) who is mostly out of house in daylight and if there, is sleeping. I am alive and kicking in dark these days, as in studying. (hehee..no pun intended, although its hard to ignore [;)] ) So not much of phoning and chatting though I do reply to those buzzes I keep getting. (Most of my friends have life time incoming free plan so believe in running up MY MOM’S phone bill by giving a missed call…I am not complaining. Not my phone. [:p] And landline to landline calls are free! hehee)

What else can contribute to my state of “happy-being”…How about the world’s most immodest brat telling you that he checks this page twice a day for a new entry? [:p] You know it’s somebody trying to get out of their immodest skin and getting all “butter”-y and sugary but than feels good all the same. Lol. I can’t help thinking about this only regular reader I have while I write. [;)]

That’s it; covered everything already. The last paragraph was redundant; was trying to return the favour by being nice and sweet. [;)]

*nO oFfEnSe InTeNdEd*

For all those who thought teachers were always smarter...

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and...

Prof : So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

Student is silent.

Prof: You can't answer, can you?Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

Student does not answer.

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.Prof: So, who created them?Student has no answer.

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Now the student said "May I ask you something Professor?"

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat,mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something.You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light...But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your
students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor,are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard theProfessor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive. .

WANT TO KNOW WHO THAT STUDENT WAS?
This is a true story and the student was Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam.


I know this piece is not about a student outsmarting a teacher, but i have my reasons to look at it like that. And I am not into explaining myself this time.

Creepiest of craps...

Can’t recall when was the last time I felt this choked in my head। Everything is a blur। The more I try to keep my home, school, tuitions and virtual life separate and isolated from one another, the more entwined they get। I try not to think about my “virtual” life in my “real” life, my “home” life (cousins and all) in my “school” life etc. and I sometimes DO succeed in doing that. But, looking at the larger picture, its like, the more one tries to contain oneself, the more they tend to break their own rules…but that does not mean we stopped making rules.

I know I sound like I am babbling (okay, I am doing just that. So what?) and I am not sure if I am going to hit the publish key once I am done with it, but I am writing it all the same. Puking my thoughts in the crudest possible way I know. And I am pretty sure whatever I key in here, is hardly going to make any collective sense.

From what I can recall from my days around 5 years back, I was this really insouciant funny little creature. Hardly ever caring about things happening around me, or caring about what people would think of me. Friends were never really “important”…I was too ambitious to be “wasting” my time chatting with “friends” about “other friends” or discussing the usual stuff that my coevals would spend hours doing.

Now, however, it’s different. Different as in really DIFFERENT. I never saw it happening like this. I am still that insouciant little creature but I have started caring about what my friends and cousins think of me(If you are wondering why I emphasize so much on my cousins, its because they are all almost the same age as mine…we make this whole big naughty group which hangs out together every other week-without any strings holding us from having a blast-we are family so our parents are pretty secure too :p)

Its like, when these people-who know me for what I am at heart-say that something is bad about me, they really mean it. And I guess their advices/warnings deserve a thought or two on my part. I don’t start hating myself for being silly or blame them for being ruthlessly truthful (okay that’s going too far, I have never been bad enough for people to become “ruthlessly truthful” to me) but I do make a conscious effort of changing myself.

Now, the thing that’s troubling me is that, though I have always given way to “sieved” feedback but I can’t recall not being able to concentrate on any other thing when somebody said I was changing for the worse and never cared to elaborate. (Before your thoughts go wandering in wilderness, let me add that the person is a great friend and not somebody “extra-special” that they would make me think for hours together. I know her for around 5 years now.) May be I am making a mountain out of a mole-hill and brooding over irrelevant things(which I think I AM doing) but I really need to get this out of my system to concentrate on other things.

I mean I would never ever sit down all gloomy and lost in the midst of some of the funniest people I know! I did just that to my amazement (shock). These people did manage to bring a few laughs out of me (usually they try and make their laughs heard over my incessant laughter). Once I had written about this (because I cant tell it to anyone, and I need to get it out of me, so all I could do was write-scribble that is-while my physics teacher taught some nonsense about electric dipole and electric fields) it felt a lot lighter…I am not sure but I guess I stopped smiling/laughing for about 10 minutes out of the whole hour and half that we were in the bio lab. Looks like I was struggling with this diagram in those 10 minutes, and others were having their share of laughter seeing me “work” for a change.["moods really swing" somebody said!] A pleasant and rare sight for my classmates! (Sakshi Arora working! Arora coz there are three sakshi-s in my class) But that hour and a half of me being normal (laughing and commenting and cracking the worst of PJs ever;and the one-liners,my trademark!) wasn’t enough for these people…for sharma(she read that scribble..and) sent me the best of mails ever…talking about how one of her friends was behaving stupidly (that friend was me,hehee) and nikki sent some smses in her peculiar style- “hello ms messed up, abi condition theek hai kya? Subah kya tilli lagi padi thi?”
But everything’s pretty much fine now. And all’s well that ends well (or is it?)
Lol.
Anyways, the irony :- uhhh…too heavy to write in here. I’ll break hearts if I mention it. Would just sign off with saying that old isn’t always gold.

"The HT write up"

I was asked to write a piece about this experiment that we did (I had a hand-okay,just a finger-in it too) in our school's biotechnology lab. I have better, as in more colourful versions, of the same but this one is closest to what my biotechnology teacher wanted it to be like. (something of a hybrid of a feature and a news report)

I hope Anil sir (My journalism teacher..) could read it. He would finally be happy, with me having learnt to keep a tab on what I write...according to him, I always overdo it in the excitement(of writing!) and then end-up writing one, long enough for two! "Sakshi, its beautiful, but useless." argh..i'll never ever forget his words. But had it not been for these few words (or something that meant it), you would be seeing a lot more trash on this page. uhh...read the article for now, gotta run for dinner!



“Impossible is Nothing.” The words have given heart to millions of people since time immemorial but they never apparently sounded as true and practical as they sound now. What seemed to be a dream and far fetched fantasy sometime back, is now a reality. Not long back we would “dream” of emulating birds, now, we “plan” to live on moon. The transition from “dreaming” to “planning” was not overnight. It took a lot of time and toiling on the part of scientists and researchers who worked round the clock for a seemingly impossible thing and were laughed at for that.

Today, we know and realize that everything is possible and thus, the way we look at this world has changed drastically. Today, we are moving fast and the world is moving faster. All that is required for now is to keep up the pace of advancement and cultivate a healthy breed of scientists who can keep the momentum going. The schools play a major role in this and realizing the same, the CBSE has introduced subjects like information technology and biotechnology in the curriculum. The schools on their part also realize the importance of these technical subjects in shaping up the career of a student and do off-leak things in an attempt to come up with something new that would lay a better base for the pupil’s future.

Recently the biotechnology department of MGD Girls’ School has achieved this incredible feat of developing a healthy marigold plant from a 0.5cm long piece of the apical stem. The technique of plant tissue culture or micro propagation is not new but the procedure requires the experimentation to take place in a contamination free environment. Meeting the standards of such a technical experiment (it is prescribed in the Rajasthan University syllabus) in a school laboratory is ab achievement in itself and a first for any public school of Rajasthan.

In the experiment performed in the biotech laboratory of MGD Girls’ School, the plant was developed over the span of a month from the callus. A special media was used, that provided nutrients required for the growth of the plant. The plantlet was transferred from one container to the other over the course of the experiment in sterile conditions and the appurtenances used in the experiment were decontaminated using the autoclave. The plantlet was kept in controlled environmental conditions in a B.O.D. (Biological Oxygen Demand) and the amount of light reaching the plant and the temperature were carefully regulated. The plantlet, when strong enough was transferred to a pot and exposed to normal temperature and light.

Micro propagation is seen as one of the revolutions in biotechnology and offers exciting prospects in the field of sciences. It can be used to conserve rare or endangered plant species-which is the need of the hour. The agriculture industry has high hopes pinned up on this technique as it can be used to cross-pollinate distantly related species in order to develop a hybrid and to produce clean plant material from virus infected stock. It provides protection to the plant against diseases and the plant can be grown and made to flower even in off season. It can be used as a method of propagation of plants, which produce less or no seeds as this technique grows the plant without involving any seeds. With all this and more, tissue culture promises to bring a wave of transition and what better than the young riding the wave. Let us hope its not just a storm in the cup and does materializes into something worth the efforts.


P.S.--Did i mention that one of my classmates thought it was like written by a "journalist"...i know its an exaggeration. But felt good. hmmmm...she unknowingly encouraged me at a time when i needed it more than ever before. Okay now I can go on writing about what all I felt about this but will shut up, for I know I'll never be able to put it across to you people even if I use up all my resources..."May be you will never know, for I'll never show"...sounds familiar (I guess its some song..)

And just thought of adding this--one of these people i know, a journalist, read this, and thought it was crap.Wont go as anything.Does not fit in any of the criterias. Coming from me, useless just as ever..hehee

Is it a World Cup? Or a bad dream?

The questions are asked; who is giving the answers by the way??


Between the Lies by Bobilli Vijay Kumar

How can it just be a game when a nation plunges into collective gloom? How can we convince ourselves it doesn't hurt when anguished people hit the streets? How can we say it was just another match when grown-up men cry, even die, at the altar of defeat?

How can we drive some sense into those impassioned fans? How can we tell them there is so much more beyond cricket? Indeed, how can we get them to invest even half of this energy into life's real fights? For food? Education? Roads? Better leaders? Even sanity?

How can we make all those fat and smug officials accept responsibility for this disaster? How can we propel them into action, into seeing that this could well be their cricket's apocalypso? Or better still, how can we throw them out of their chairs?

When will those guys in blue realize it is not enough to look contrite after the match? When will they see it is only those 100 overs in the middle that really count? When will they learn you can win matches even after having a bad first session?

Will they ever show some gumption, some fight on the field? Will they ever put their limbs on the line, if not lay down their lives for a match? Will they ever start playing as a team, rather than like a bunch of selfish individuals?

Will the big guns actually perform when it matters? Will at least one of them stand up and make a match of it when the entire country is watching them? Indeed, when will they pack up their bags and go home? When will they let a new and vibrant India emerge out of this chaos?

Why should we expect them to discharge our aspirations and unfulfilled dreams? Why should we blame them if our expectations are so unreal? Why should they bear the brunt of our anger if we don't really understand the game?

How can we hurt their families if we love them so much? How can we throw stones at their homes if we love the game so much? How can we be so ashamed of them if the other team is better-prepared, more equipped to win?

When will we start the process of overhauling the system? When will our kids get state-of-the-art stadiums, better facilities, equal opportunities? When will we have a selection process that is fair, unbiased and comprehensive?

How could this happen? How could we lose to a team like Bangladesh? How could we get out of the tournament even before it has already started? Is it really the World Cup? Or is this all a bad dream?

Cutting the Caribbean crap...

It is the evening of 24th and I am back to the trivial way of penning down my thoughts, trying to sort out my feelings (of anger, distaste, frustration, disappointment, defeated expectations and what not…) An attempt to calm down this emotional turbulence instigated by India’s loss to Sri Lanka last night. The all important impetus provided by this feeling of being the “lukhi”-est and “vaili”-est person alive in the world as of now.

Cricket was always one of those touchy issues with me besides, of course, Abhishek Bachchan and Backstreet Boys. I have been an impulsive, die-hard cricket fanatic ever since. I remember dad and his friends teasing me every time we would meet over dinner or whatever, talking about how every game that India lost, was fixed. They were always conscious of the crap they would talk and even regard it as “absolute rubbish” but not before they would have laughed their heads off seeing me literally at war with myself. Trying not to get all worked up and lose my…well, cool. Now, that it’s more of a routine, I am sure it is done only to “enjoy” those signs of sheer helplessness on my face, which never seems to fail to make their day…This time was no different when we went to Bhargava uncle’s place. Ditto when Praveen uncle came over (Out of the 2 hours that he was here, he spent 40-odd minutes, trying to make me talk about how Dravid had fixed the match and got Yuvraj out deliberately. Rubbish! I know it was all done to aggravate me and he succeeded in doing just that, as always.(hmphhh…)

Coming back to the point, we know India is virtually out of the world cup. The fact has still not dawned in its entirety but I am trying to come to terms with reality. With more than a month of action left in the world cup, I wonder how it’s gonna be like sans India. “CRICKET WORLD CUP” suddenly sounds not even half as exciting and happening.

While the newspapers and news channels cant get enough of this blame game and Dravid-Chapell are refraining from commenting as this is an “emotional moment” and they can be “misconstrued”; I cant help wondering if we were really lame enough not to see it coming on the first place or we knowingly turned a blind eye to it, thinking it was the best we could do anyways.

I think being one of those “ever hopeful” lot, we were shying away from the truth. And I can bet my life on it, that many of us have secretly pinned up hopes to the Bangladesh-Bermuda match (though we won’t apparently want our team to be there because of the mercy of Bermuda) and are hoping and praying for India to be in the Super 8. No Indian is supporting B’desh tonight; we don’t really make great neighbors when it comes to cricket. I don’t know if I should be happy about this never-say-die attitude or amazed at the downright irrationality that creeps in more often than not. An even more amusing part is that not only we remain ever hopeful ourselves but even spread it around us. Take this, its not exactly spreading hope but borders on that—
I had stopped watching the Bangladesh-India match after India had had its say with the bad. 191-all out. Against Bangladesh. Hardly what I had expected even after considering all that could have possibly gone wrong. (As it turned out, nothing went right for us.) 5 overs or so into the Bangladesh innings I was told “Don’t be silly, go watch the match.” Aaaargh..to make things worse, I was asked to do that not by some die-hard Indian cricket fan, for whom the game is wide open till the last ball is bowled or the last wicket has fallen but by this, well, “expert”, who understands the intricacies of the game and can really make you think. Anyways, I went on to see the whole damned match.(I am very easily convinced, you see..*wink..)

Now cut to this—

During our match with Sri Lanka, 4 of us had been SMSing through the night. (Kritika, Shruti, Srishti and me) and yeah, I had the intermittent “expert opinion” coming in too..lol.So, in all, the 5 people messaging, represented 5 different categories of “game lovers”. Srishti cannot be called a cricket enthusiast though. She was messaging only because she had promised to stay up till me and Shruti dozed off. She represents the people who do not breathe and live cricket. They are “the impassibles”. Have got their heads in the right place so give a damn to how boys in blue play…Shruti represented the majority of people I know. Interested, but just cant get enough of criticizing the team.(Like my dad!) She hardly saw the match…was reading this book titled “7 habits of highly effective teens” (and I know I’ll be kicked for writing this…) I was supposed to keep her updated with the match. Her messages went like “lol. I told u we gonna lose.dese guys noe ntn at ol.)

Since I am not the ever hopeful types, Kritika happily filled in…her messages went like “We can still win it, bas Dravid out na ho” (he got out within the next 5 balls…lol)and also that “keep praying, kuch to hoga”. She represented people with never ending hope. But even she lost hope after Yuvraj got out and Dhoni went for a duck. “What’s wrong with Dhoni?” She asked. Trust me when I say, I laughed at this message for at least 3 full minutes…I mean expecting Dhoni to fire off, when Murali is at his best is too far fetched considering his recent knocks against Bangladesh and Bermuda (0 and 29). I just replied “Temme wots wrong wid oder 10 n I’ll tell ya wots wrong wid him…”

Anyways, the other minority of “game lovers in the real sense” was represented by “the expert”. They love, basically, the game. “I am not happy that India lost but I wont say that I am sad. They played badly…bloody even lost to Bangladesh, which was supposed to be a touch and go match.” (oooh…impressive!!) Their messages mean hard core business, may be because they know clearly what they mean and can get it across to the other person in less than a few words. Their messages are like “60-40 Lanka”. As simple and clear as that. Such "fans" are rare.(not exactly fans but i dunno what else to write.) I have known just two. These people, I think, constitute the “cricket intelligentsia” and heavily influence the way “my typa fans” think. Now that we have finally come to it, lemme elaborate on fans like me, who constitute the majority of Indian population(at least i think so...) So, gear up to know more about fans like me (*blushing)-

When they are into it, they are “HEAVILY” into it. Will go on to abuse and curse even the driver of the team bus (for the damned bus broke down and team missed out on one precious hour of practice that could have made a world of difference!!!) when into the groove. We are the balanced (hehee…sometimes..) but impulsive lot. We get all worked up during the match but eventually cool down too and yeah, we hardly ever talk sense! I wanted all 11 to retire from cricket last night. Tonight, however, I won’t want even a single guy to chicken out (like Inzamam) but face the well deserved ire of the last category of fans, which fortunately was not represented by any of us.

They are the ones, who elevate these cricketers to their haloed status in a match or two and then go on to torch their effigies, burn their posters, attack their houses and cars during their lean patch before returning their demi-God status, only to snatch it away-unceremoniously-after their next duck. They make cricket what it is in India. They make life hell for people like Bob Woolmer. They make a Balaji and a Nehra. They make and break the poster boys of Indian cricket. They, are what cricket in the sub continent is all about. You bet.

The Second Life...

I wonder if it’s the same way with everyone, believe me I really want to know. Does it ever happen that sometimes while you are doing something your mind wanders?? You think about nice things…some of your life’s most beautiful and treasured moments…things that cheer you up instantly and put a biiig smile on your face. Its not that you want to think about it or something, but it just happens, unconsciously. Without you even realizing, you are in this “other” world...surrounded by people you love and care about; people who have touched your lives in one way or the other; people who have made a difference in your lives.

It happens too frequently with me and it feels almost real for a second or two. I practically relive some of the best moments of my life. And I am not complaining…even if that makes me a dreamer; a lesser sane individual. After all, what more can I ask for. This habit of switching over to this “dream world” and cutting connections with the real world (which gets really appalling and depressing at times) for some time, keeps me going in life. It helps me get over those pesky pestering problems.(like India losing out to Bangladesh! Haha…these are my type of well..“problems”.)It reminds me that days were bright not very long ago…and they are going to be brighter, sooner than I think.

I would suddenly go on thinking about people (read friends and cousins-my generation, that is; uncles and aunties don’t real excite me…) while doing absolutely anything and everything-ranging from eating, driving, reading, listening to music and even talking! (so you know why I get “lost” in the middle of a conversation…) I would be reminded of some of their witty quips or unhackneyed remarks or “intelligent” (?) comments (okay, this one is rare..hehee-I AM KIDDING! dont make plans to beat me up) or just them and that would put an ear to ear smile on my face. Some may take it as a sign of madness but I really don’t care.

It has been like this ever since but more recently I don’t think as much about “real” people as I do about “virtual” ones…That’s, partly because I know them less so they are like this little mystery I try to unravel…trying to find meanings in whatever they do. And it’s also because I spend a lot of time online these days (hmmm…). And yeah...after lurking around online for like 6 odd years, i have found people I can call my “friends”. The real people will get their share of time and attention as soon as I get back to life as I know it.. Enough of idling away the whole day…doing nothing other than surfing online and reading HP fan fiction and to kill a mocking bird. I always wanted to do all this…with no botheration of studying and “socializing” but I guess I have done enough of it in the last 6 days…and if this continues..I am gonna be bored to death. And no exaggeration at that.

Whatever...

They would say I am a great listener…an even better advisor. But they, who cannot stop calling themselves “close to me”, have always failed miserably in noticing those subtle signs of revulsion I have on my otherwise “expressionless, but smiling” face, whenever the topic cropped up from nowhere. This is one topic I always believed was unworthy of my thinking time…I still think so. But the recent developments in my life (or rather in my friend’s and my cousin’s life) have prompted me to spend two of my prime time thinking hours in formulating THIS.

They would always ask me why am I lke this? Why is it that I have so many boys as friends but that one "special one" is missing? Have I not found anyone yet? Have I had some bad experiences? I would always reply with just a smile…not saying nothing. Let me reply to all that today…because I think I finally know why "I am what I am".

No, I have not had any bitter experiences. I have many friends who are guys because I think they are some of the nicest people I have ever met. I don’t see the gender of the person before making friends, but the fact remains…I don’t make friends easily-even with girls. I have not found the right one because I am NOT on a lookout for him. I don’t have a special friend because I don’t need one. Why? Because I have more important things (like my career, family, friends etc.) to attend to, rather than being on his beck and call 24X7, on phone and in person. I cannot take all that roosna-manana and other shitty cheesy stuff, which I see my friends and cousins going through too often to be true.

On the closing note…I think it is just not the age to get into a relationship because I learn and change myself with every small and big experience in life. To me, they all seem to be for the better; others may not necessarily think so. So when I won’t even be the same person one month down the line, how can I expect people’s love for me to be the same? And since I am not a flirt, I know too well that it is not me to go hunting “for the special one”, at least not until I become what I want to become in life… Moreover, I won't get into a relationship just for the heck of it or to flaunt it, I have to connect, till then I am fancy free and single; with no plans to mingle.

Okay, so that’s about it. Now if that was a “What?” or a “Wow!” or downright “Wacky”, its on you to decide...

The Zahir...

An excerpt from ‘The Zahir’ …by Paulo Coelho..

While I was fighting, I heard other people speak in the name of freedom, and the more they defended this unique right, the more enslaved they seem to be to their parent’s wishes, to a marriage in which they had promised to stay with the other person ‘for the rest of their lives’, to the bathroom scales, to their diet, to half-finished projects, to lovers to whom they were incapable of saying “no” or “It’s over”, to weekends when they were obliged to have lunch with people they did not even like. Slaves to luxury, to the appearance of luxury, to the appearance of appearance of luxury. Slaves to a life they had not chosen, but which they had to live because someone had managed to convince them that it was all for the best. And so their identical days and nights passed, days and nights in which adventure was just a word in the book or an image on the television that was always on, and whenever a door opened, they would say:

“I’m not interested. I’m not in the mood.”

How could they possibly know if they were in the mood or not if they had never tried? But there was no point in asking; the truth was they were afraid of any change that would upset the world they had grown used to.

The Debut...

“SORRY!!”

BEING grossly clueless as to what a blog is all about and how one goes about writing it, I find it most appropriate to start with an apology (please don’t mistake with a disclaimer) for all the mistakes I am likely to commit, at least in the first 1000 blogs(!)

I am extremely sorry for all the faux pas, whether grammatical, mechanical (typing), factual or philosophical…

Being a birdbrain and mistress of vocabulary that can make a spider look leviathan, I doubt if I’ll be able to come up to the standards of an average blogger but I’ll try my best to not top the list of losers!!

The sole idea behind making this account is to try and get things right in my head, to dispel the darkness of discrepancies in my line of thought, to talk about things that interest and trouble me as a Gemini, a teenager, a daughter, a sister, a friend.

Let me also add that as of now, this whole thing is going to be about my thoughts on everything (which can get really freaky) --because I really lack the acumen indispensable for commenting on the happenings concerning the country and the world at large--so don’t expect an interesting reading if you not into knowing what a numbhead (that’s me!) thinks of whatever.